How to pick an autorickshaw in bangalore

I have travelled a lot in Bangalore's autorickshaws, and continue to do so. The reasons are mostly laziness, frustration in driving through traffic, difficulty in finding parking spots, etc... but that is besides the point.

Based on my vast experience in this domain, I have built up an intricate methodology of choosing a rick, which, for the greater benefit of (wo)mankind, I shall share on this forum. So here goes. The usual disclaimers apply.

1. The quest begins when you sight the quarry - an empty rick cruising at 10 kmph in the fastest lane. The game begins when the two of you make eye contact.

2. If the rick driver( henceforth referred to as Ricky. Not a coincidence that most of them are abrasive like the Aussie captain ) looks eagerly at you and makes towards you, something is seriously wrong. This is extremely abnormal behaviour for a ricky, and he is probably a Tupperware/Amway salesman or a serial killer. Or Mahesh Bhatt, scouting for talent to replace Emraan Hashmi. Run for your life.

3. If ricky either ignores you completely or looks at you in a disinterested way, thats the first positive signal. The chase is on in real earnest now.

4. Always look at the approaching ricky in a non-committal way. Dont ever show interest in your eyes. This is a valuable technique whose benefit will be demonstrated in later sections, for bailing out at the last moment.

5. Once it is ascertained that ricky might be right for you, we proceed to stage two - non-verbal negotiation.

6. Judge ricky. This is the most critical step in the entire exercise. Based on your eyesight and traffic, you get around 2-5 seconds to size up the individual. Following are tell-tale No-Go signs
- Ricky wears kumkum on forehead
- Ricky is young and looks like he just flunked Class 12.
- Ricky has a mush and a stubble. ( as opposed to a mush only or a full beard )
- Ricky has top two buttons of his shirt open
- Ricky wears gold chain
The rationale for these psycho-profiling pointers shall be covered in a different post.

Following are safe Go signs
- Ricky is an old man ( not old and weak )
- Ricky is middle-aged and follows traffic rules


6. Judge the rick. The rick tells a tale about the ricky. Following are clear No-Go signs
- Old ricks in bad condition ( Old ricks guzzle more fuel, and this will be passed on to the consumer. In the form of a doctored meter.)
- Rick has a Karnataka flag
- Rick has pimped-up speakers

Following are safe Go signs
- Rick has electronic meter and looks well-maintained.


7. If rick/ricky clears preliminary rick-profiling, then make clear eye-contact with ricky and summon the rick. In the unlikely event that ricky does indeed stop, proceed to phase 3 - verbal-negotiation.

8. The more important step - rick-profiling is Negative. This is where the bailing-out move comes in. Since you have not made clear eye-contact till now, you can just pretend to be looking at the cow/lamppost/girl on the opposite side of the street, and thus bail-out.

9. Phase 3 - Verbal negotiation. This is where coping with rejection will come in handy. Most ricky's stop only to humour themselves, and not to offer you a ride. Accept that fact of life. The rest of the negotiation is fairly standard, and need not be covered. The only hitch could be if you noticed something about ricky/rick from close quarters, that you missed from the distance. In such cases, use my patented dont-pick-me-up line -
" Thanisandra ge hogi, alli 2 hours waiting iddu, aamele Bidadi ge hogbeku. Barteera ? "
Its a sure-fire rick-magnet... repels ricks like the wrong end of a magnet.

10. Once inside the rick, sit tight and hope that ricky doesnt stop enroute to help out his fellow-ricky's in street fights.

Thats about it... Keep Rocking, Keep Ricking !